


Overstuck

by Melodic



Category: Homestuck, Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, i cant believe im actually doing this, like everyone eventually, more of a series of vignettes than a coherent storyline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-01 14:18:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10923555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melodic/pseuds/Melodic
Summary: Overwatch plays sburb. This goes about as well as you expect.





	1. Try and keep up!

\-- gameGrl [GG] began pestering auditivaGlissando [AG] \--  
GG: HEY!!! i hear pharah got u in!! (^o^)  
AG: yeah i think she set my bathroom on fire  
GG: lmao yeah that happens  
AG: what did she blow up yours too?  
GG: no i had genji get me in  
GG: bc hes the only other person here who actually knows how to game  
GG: he was quite the gentleman!!!  
AG: wow rude i know how to play games  
GG: okay lucio but like games besides FIFA and pokemon  
AG: i'm insulted  
GG: get wrekt scrub 'ㅅ'ㅗ  
GG: anyway whats your land like???  
GG: mine is like super pretty and full of cute lizards ive been doin quests alllll day  
GG: im 100%ing this shit rn  
GG: sburb witch build no items all achievements run expert mode  
GG: ur a bard right  
GG: you and your dumb speaker gun god youre def a bard but a bard of WHAT  
AG: d.va i have no fucking idea what you just said  
GG: did you not read the lore???  
AG: i didn't get any lore  
AG: are there supposed to be lizards and witches? maybe im in the wrong place shit  
GG: just tell me what you DO have  
AG: uh  
AG: theres some frogs?  
GG: OMG YOU'RE SPACE!!! KNEW IT  
AG: what  
GG: frogs means space  
AG: what do frogs have to do with space?  
GG: like nothing its arbitrary bs  
GG: i wonder who our time player is lol who am i kidding its tracer  
GG: easiest mystery ever i sure sleuthed that one  
GG: dva 1 mysteries 0  
GG: anyway you should go get symmetra in  
AG: wait a second you did NOT tell me she was playing  
AG: who invited the corporate shill  
GG: i knoooooow but just play the game  
AG: i am not talking to her  
GG: u gotta tho  
AG: nope  
GG: yep  
AG: why me  
GG: cuz thats how the order goes  
AG: but why  
GG: paradox space  
AG: what the fuck does that mean  
GG: loooooooore lucio  
GG: look you dont have to like it just do it!!!  
AG: no way  
AG: look  
AG: if she was like i gotta feed myself and this is just a job i could respect that  
AG: lots of people end up in shitty situations like that  
AG: but shes all like super dedicated and oh vishkar is so great  
AG: oh vishkar is building a better future for humanity  
AG: like really?  
AG: i dunno about you but my ideal future for humanity involves way fewer trans-national corporations  
AG: especially not a gentrification machine like vishkar  
AG: whose opposition and competitors keep ending up mysteriously dead for some reason  
GG: yeah well all the corporations are gone now because of the meteors!!  
GG: so its game over for capitalism  
GG: anyway theres like a huge ogre here so im gonna go kill it  
AG: what  
GG: u gotta go talk to your nemesis  
AG: i am not doing this  
GG: youre doing this or meteors start landing and everyone dies ^_^  
AG: .....  
GG: glhf  
GG: l8ter!! <3  
AG: ugh bye  
\-- gameGrl [GG] stopped pestering auditivaGlissando [AG]\--

\-- auditivaGlissando [AG] began pestering turretArchitect [TA]\--  
AG: uh  
AG: hi  
TA: .....?  
TA: What do you want.


	2. More lost than the moon in winter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this chapter, and then painstakingly spent an hour writing the css to format it correctly and triple checked everyones words were the right color, and then the moment I pressed "post" my internet went down and the whole thing was reverted back to plain text and I died. So you can excuse the delay, I'm sure. Please enjoy.

\--gracelessArcher [GA] began pestering technoCowboy [TC] \--  
GA: Mccree.  
TC: oh what now  
GA: You can see this, correct?  
GA: Tell me what is wrong with this picture.  
TC: hmmmm  
TC: well you're standin' in a bathtub  
TC: but you're still dressed  
TC: 'cept for that one tit but youre always like that i guess  
GA: This bathtub is in the middle of the hallway.  
TC: sure is  
TC: needed room for all the whoosits and gizmos this game uses  
GA: Do you have any idea how old this house is?  
TC: uh  
TC: real old?  
TC: old as balls?  
GA: Yes.  
GA: Everything in here is an antique that has been in my family for generations.  
GA: Such destruction is unacceptable, understood?  
GA: Cease immediately, and be more careful in the future.  
TC: i hear ya hanzo but sometimes you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelete  
TC: i know you're the ranahan and im just the jigger-boss  
TC: but i feel like you've spent this whole game on the shoot  
TC: im just trying to stay above snakes and according to hoyle  
TC: and darn tootin, i dont mean to run my bazoo  
TC: you may be of the first water but i aint no mudsill shavetail either  
TC: this here house may not be in apple pie order at the end but i'll try to make sure its not knocked galley west  
TC: so lets just get a wiggle on and get this chuckwagon movin', and we'll have a hog killin' time!  
GA: Mccree, I just want to make one thing absolutely clear.  
GA: I loathe every single inscrutable word I have ever heard come out of your mouth,  
GA: and if I am made to listen to even one more incomprehensible piece of western jargon,  
GA: I am going to literally murder someone.  
TC: i'll tell genji to start a-runnin' then  
GA: I  
GA: Wow

==>

TA: ....So that is the only path, then.  
TA: Very well.  
TA: You may act as my server.  
AG: it wasnt exactly a request but glad youre up for it i guess  
TA: I am not overjoyed at the prospect, but there is no other way.  
TA: Proceed.  
AG: let's just get this over with

==>

\-- grenadeTreatment [GT] began pestering aerialArtillery [AA] \--  
GT: Sburb how to place Cruxtruder  
AA: what?  
GT: Sburb place Cruxtruder guide  
AA: mother this isn't google, you're messaging me.  
AA: remember how I installed chrome for you?  
AA: it's the multicolored circle icon on your desktop.  
GT: Sburb game walkthrough  
AA: again, not a searchbar.  
AA: if you need help with the interface I can explain it.  
AA: or message D.Va, I'm pretty certain she's running the show.  
AA: don't tell Commander Morrison I said that.  
AA: I feel like it makes sense though?  
AA: I know he likes to be in charge but this is literally her area of expertise.  
AA: also she has a bunch of intel about it nobody else does  
AA: I think she said she downloaded it off someones cloud storage?  
AA: wish she'd share it with the rest of us.  
GT: ebay overwatch reinhardt poster original  
AA: oh my god mother

==>

TA: I believe I told you not to touch that.  
AG: sorry vishkar no other options  
TA: My name is not Vishkar.  
AG: yeah well you like em so much i figured you wouldnt mind  
TA: Stop moving my possessions.  
AG: i have a bunch of huge machines to put down so i can save your life  
AG: so im gonna do that  
AG: and you can deal with wherever they end up k  
TA: Yes, just put it anywhere.  
TA: Let anarchy reign.  
TA: No appreciation for order, that's just like you.

==>

\-- temporallyTeetering [TT] began pestering commanderGrandpa [CG] \--  
TT: oi commander morrison!  
TT: can you read me??  
TT: i got cap'n amari's message, are you okay???  
CG: ....Tracer, what are you talking about?  
CG: You're loud and clear, and I'm fine.  
CG: I haven't even started the game yet.  
CG: You're not even supposed to start until after I do.  
CG: What message?  
TT: oh  
TT: what time is it for you?  
CG: ....about 1600.  
CG: Why?  
TT: absolutely nothing!  
CG: Tracer.  
TT: sorry commander i gotta dash!  
CG: Not until you tell me what's going on.  
CG: Is there a problem with your chronal accelerator?  
TT: nothing is going on!  
TT: right now  
TT: ill message you later  
TT: or another me will  
TT: the me from a time when things aren't all going horrifically wrong  
CG: What?  
TT: gotta jet!  
\-- temporallyTeetering [TT] stopped pestering commanderGrandpa [CG] \--  
CG: God dammit, Oxton.

==>

AG: *I* STOLE YOUR TECHNOLOGY???  
AG: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOUR BOSSES DID TO MY HOME?? MY COMMUNITY???  
TA: Improved it, you mean?  
AG: THAT IS IT  
AG: I AM DONE  
AG: GOOD FUCKIN BYE  
TA: Now you're just being absurd.  
TA: Hello?  
TA: Ruffian?  
TA: ...............?  
AG: you are so lucky  
AG: that im a nice person


	3. Tactical necessity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of the text colors are hard to read please let me know so I can mess with the hex codes! I'm just taking the colors right off the bar graphs the career profile uses so if anything is too light, or different characters colors too similar, I'd like to modify it. On that note, shoutout to my girlfriend for having hours on Every Single Hero so I could just cap her profile and have all the colors right there. Also special thanks to the makers of the original homestuck work skin, which I have modified grievously for my own reprehensible purposes. If I'd had to do any more css than I already am this fic would not be a thing.

\-- CURRENT commanderGrandpa [CCG] RIGHT NOW began memo on board OVERWATCH OPERATION S.B.U.R.B. ---  
CCG: Status report, everyone, and try to keep it linear, time-wise.  
\-- FUTURE temporallyTeetering [FTT] responded to memo at 18:58 --  
FTT: aw, ya dont have to call me out like that commander!  
CCG: Please only have present Tracers respond to memos, Tracer.  
FTT: i would, but i remembered past me reading this already  
FTT: so now i've got to?  
FTT: besides i can't really control what i do or say!  
FTT: past and future me's i mean  
FTT: i mean i can control what i'm saying now obviously but i can't really dictate things i've already said or things i'm already going to have said!  
FTT: god i sound absolutely daffy don't i  
CCG: Yes.  
CCG: Glad we're on the same page on that.  
CCG: Does anyone who uses verb tenses normally have anything to say?  
\-- CURRENT cyroClimatologist [CCC] responded to memo RIGHT NOW --  
CCC: hi!  
CCC: me and winston have been doing SCIENCE!!!!  
CCC: which mostly means messing around with the alchemy machines  
CCC: we're putting together a database of captcha codes for everyones main gear  
CCC: plus a few other really cool side projects  
CCG: That sounds really useful, Mei.  
CCG: Great work, keep at it.  
CCC: thanks!  
FTT: oh no  
CCG: What?  
FTT: i just remembered what happens in this one  
\-- CURRENT auditivaGlissando [CAG] responded to memo RIGHT NOW ---  
CAG: everythings going according to plan and its TIGHT  
CAG: ive been doing shows for the little lizard villages all over the place here and they love it  
CAG: plus i taught them how to play street hockey!  
CCG: That's....great, Lucio.  
CCG: What about your mission objectives, though?  
CAG: listen if showing these little critters the power of music isnt my mission then i dont wanna be right  
CAG: also dva said i couldnt do it yet  
CCG: Do what?  
CAG: my quest or whatever  
CCG: D.Va is not assigning the quests, last I checked.  
\-- CURRENT gameGrl [CGG] responded to memo RIGHT NOW --  
CGG: hellooooo *(^o^)*  
CAG: speak of the dva and she shall appear huh  
CGG: im always here for my fans <3  
CGG: how did things go with symmetra???  
CAG: pf thats over with now  
CAG: im trying to focus on more positive vibes  
CAG: you should totally come to the concert im putting on for these lizardfolk  
CGG: omg that sounds soooooo cute  
CGG: can they dance???  
CAG: theyre really bad at it but they have fun  
CGG: ★.★  
CCG: Ahem.  
CCG: Song, why are you telling Lucio not to do his lands assigned task?  
CGG: the knights supposed to help him!!!  
CCG: A knight?  
CGG: the player assigned the knight role is supposed to help the space player  
CCG: And who is that?  
CGG: lol do u need to ask  
CCG: ......Where is Reinhardt, anyway?  
CGG: d(^_^)b gj u got it ez  
CGG: he was one of the last in the order so i think hes just setting up as a server!!!  
CCG: Reinhardt, status report?  
CGG: @armoredCrusher  
\-- CURRENT armoredCrusher [CAC] responded to memo RIGHT NOW --  
CAC: YES!  
CAG: yo whats up my man  
CAC: I FOLLOWED THE INSTRUCTIONS ACCORDINGLY AND I BELIEVE I AM IN THE TUTORIAL?  
CGG: tutorial?  
CAC: YES! THE MOUSE IS MOVING TO VARIOUS BUTTONS ON IT'S OWN  
CAC: I WISH IT WOULD EXPLAIN WHAT IT IS MEANT TO BE SHOWING ME THOUGH!  
CCG: I don't recall a tutorial when I was getting Roadhog in.  
CCC: that never happened to me!  
CAG: maybe he somehow found the button for it?  
CGG: no that is definitely not a thing O.O  
CGG: what are you seeing exactly???  
CAC: AS I SAID, THE CURSOR TURNED PURPLE AND BEGAN MOVING ON ITS OWN!  
CCG: Purple?  
FTT: :(  
\-- CURRENT covertTitiritera [CCT] responded to memo RIGHT NOW --  
CCT: Hola!  
CCT banned CCG from responding to memo.  
CCT banned CAG from responding to memo.  
CCT banned CAC from responding to memo.  
CCT banned CGG from responding to memo.  
CCT banned FTT from responding to memo.  
CCT banned CCC from responding to memo.  
CCT: Don't worry, this won't take long.


End file.
